Hold The Back Page

The back page of any RA paper has often been amongst the most popular feature amongst RA members. Issue two of RA saw the emergence of Red Action in Action, which was the first of a number of columns which would report on RA activities, often with a good dose of humour and usually at the expense of the fascists. This was joined later in issue 16 by the Flying Column which used quotes and snippets to sharply demonstrate a wider point. This was later changed to News From Nowhere as AP/RN had nicked our original. The Voice of Reason first appeared in issue 31 named after the bigot Woodrow Wyatt's own VOR column in the News of the World, the now infamous logo (which has since adorned t-shirts) would not appear until issue 36.
Later the VOR column changed form, moving away from just using quotes to forming mini-articles of its own and was eventually joined by Is It Something We Said? which reproduced quotes about Red Action from the Left, Right and Establishment press. The following are a few edited highlights...

Traffic Jam
Three swaggering boneheads who demanded to know where the commies were - to their dismay actually found some in the shape of four RA supporters. After an intense discussion one of the skinheads lost all sympathy from the motorists of West Kensington by lying in the middle of the road, blocking all the traffic and generally making a perfect nuisance of himself.
RA in Action - Issue 10.

Debs' Delight

Now then, the 1st March was obviously a date every right minded English person had in their diaries. Yes darlings, it was the Hare and Hounds Ball at the Grosvenor Hotel in London's exclusive Park Lane. As Henrietta and I parked the Rolls outside the Hotel, we were met by a horrendous gathering of ruffians, who jostled us and made scandalous remarks implying we were born out of wedlock. Honestly! Shaken, but with true upper-class dignity, we ran for our lives into the foyer, only to be informed by young Barrington-Smythe that some of the red ruffians had sneaked round the back and 'put the boot in' - a most distasteful expression I've heard the servants use at home. I ask you, is nowhere safe anymore?
RA in Action - Issue 11

Harvey Car Banger

Recently a RA member in Coventry went to the local college to hear the views of Harvey Proctor MP(Con), who has connections with known nazis. He was shocked by the intolerance displayed by the students who barricaded the hall and shouted slogans. Trying to disassociate himself from their antics he became involved in an unfortunate scuffle with one of Mr Proctor's party. He chased the MP to his car to explain and kicked the door repeatedly in an effort to attract his attention. He totally refutes suggestions that it was these incidents that stimulated the near-riot that the local paper described. We accept his explanation.
RA in Action - issue 16

United We Stand

The opening scene. A pub in Kings Cross. Enter from the left some jubilant 'cockney reds'. Exit a disgruntled bonehead minus fascist insignia.
Half-hour later he reappears with a dozen mates. Three go into the pub too sort it out. Two emerge almost immediately, one stooped and pigeon-toed, the other unnerved having interrupted with his head the flight of a greasy kebab cunningly camouflaged by a pint glass. The final unfortunate miscreant underwent oral lobotomy (a medical term for having your brain bitten out) without the benefit of an anaesthetic. The curtain drops.
RA in Action - Issue. 16.

Open Letter to the Federation of Conservative Students

The picture adjoining this article is from a pamphlet published by a couple of members of your federation, some of whom we are told sport 'Hang Nelson Mandela' badges, encourage links with UDA supporters and were responsible for an attack on a CND float at Brighton this year.
Amid accusations of neo-fascism from the press you say that you only say in public what other members of the Tory party say in private. This we can well believe, we have no illusions about the wets in the Tory party. Your vocal support for various far-right causes had attracted our attention and we can assure you that having learned the historical lessons of Germany in the 30's we do not waste our time in theoretical debate with fascists. The methods that we employ are both practical and effective, as your fellow travellers in the National Front could testify.
We can assure you that if your future behaviour does not improve dramatically then sooner or later some of you will discover what a good spanking means in the rougher end of the political market, if you get our drift.
RA in Action - Issue 18

Loss of Memory

A number of rather large Red Action supporters were delighted to be of assistance, in the complete recovery of a building sub-contractor from a sudden loss of memory, a sadly all to common complaint amongst members of his profession, especially on non-union sites. Apparently the poor man had completely forgotten that he owed one of our colleagues a fairly large sum of money in wages, and as he was approached on site was heard to confidently proclaim to this former employee "I owe you no fucking money, you're trespassing, get off the site or I'll call the police".
He stared in menacing fashion to see if anyone fainted. No-one did. Instead as they say in the Bible, the walls came tumbling down. The response to this cure was immediate, and the recovery remarkable. You will not find this particular type of activity recommended in the TUC handbook on how to handle trade disputes, but at least this particular creditor was paid in full.
RA in Action - Issue 24

Evil People

It's not often that Red Action members find themselves at the theatre, however with Christian Action Research and Education. holding an anti-abortion rally at the Albert Hall one of our finest detachments were instructed to support the pro-abortion picket.
Frustrated with being denied access to this ticket only bash, some of our members entered the foyer and used the opportunity created by the pro-choice picket twice marching into one door and out through the other, to twice launch sections of the bookstalls into orbit. Pretty sick eh?
By now, bored with watching what appeared to be ,judging by their placards, about 150 members of the same revolutionary organisation all crowding with some difficulty behind a single crash barrier, we tried a side door.
Hey presto, security was breached and within seconds 15 rather large gentlemen crushed into one of the private boxes, while 5 female members kept the whole security firm at bay. Naturally we handled this god-sent opportunity for protest with the dignity we felt the occasion warranted. After all this was nothing if not a family occasion, opening with "Who the fucking hell are you" the all male choir ran through many of the old favourites concluding with a chorus of "We are the Reds".
To his credit Sir Bernard Braine rose to the challenge splendidly. He pointed a quivering finger in our direction covering the first three rows in spit he screeched "There are evil people amongst us". I never doubted it for a second Bernie.
Incidentally, just in case you're wondering whether our appearance had any connection with Sir Bernard, who according to the tabloids ended up later in the evening in a West End gutter clutching his privates - No it didn't actually.
Voice of Reason - Issue 56

Shut Up Yer Face

Given the renewed controversy over the 'right to silence' surrounding the Winchester Three and the fit-up of Winston Silcott by the police, Red Action is proud to present dramatic evidence of the value of our own counter-interrogation techniques.
The interview in question which was tape recorded happened last year after a five a side game of 'get your retaliation in first', between members of neo-nazi Blood and Honour and Red Action supporters. Apparently the bones were quite cut-up about the result so our hero was invited by the local plod to help with their inquiries.
From the thrilling opening moments the tension never flags as every probing question of the interrogator is brilliantly parried by the heroically dogged, monotonous repetition from the defendant "I wish to remain silent". Highly recommended for beginners and an absolute must for any serious poll tax rioter.
The title, 'Whatever You Say, Say Nothing' available on album, cassette or CD. 45 minutes of edited highlights cost £9.99 from 'Shut up yer face productions'.
Voice of Reason - Issue 56